The Nature of Conversations
Why do people talk about sensitive topics without being informed with an open mind? There is a nice saying: “I don’t know what you are talking about, but I can give you my opinion.” Generally, in a conversation, regardless of the subject, people talk to express their point of view, seek admiration, or demonstrate their dominance. They often try to impose their opinions without considering others’.
Reasons Why People Do This
- Education: Unfortunately, learning dialogue rules—how to listen, talk, and communicate—should occur in primary or high school. Most people study “professional communications” only in college. In addition to this subject, debate should also be introduced to help learn dialogue effectively.
- Open Mind: Can we apply the rule, “Do you listen to answer or do you listen to understand?” There is a major difference between the two. Listening to understand means you come with an open mind, willing to learn from the other person, regardless of who is right.
- Desire to Be Right: When you really want to be right, a saying from a good friend applies: “In the face of prejudice, arguments have no value.” In a dialogue, if someone holds prejudices, what the other person says won’t matter. It feels like discussing with a wall.
- Desire to Prove Superiority: Some want to show they are better than you in dialogue or that they know more in a debate. For these people, sensitive topics serve as “heavenly hands” in direct conversations. A sensitive subject for you may not be for them. They often avoid dialogue about their sensitive topics but may use yours to maintain a superior position. In online debates, they may display their knowledge and insult others to make them feel bad.
- Desire to Be Listened To: Many people have no one to talk to for various reasons, which I call “incompatibility in dialogue.” Their expectations about dialogue partners are rarely met, leaving them speechless. They may expect to hear the same thing or know almost everything about that person. Regardless of the reasons, the result is the same: we lack a dialogue partner with whom we can talk and feel understood. When we find someone willing to listen, we start expressing our opinions, even if we are not asked.
The Turning Point
In our evolution, we reach a critical point. This moment is vital and difficult to recognize. It’s called, “I know them all, I’ve lived them all; nothing impresses me anymore.” Everyone reaches this point, but the difference lies in the age at which they arrive and whether they move on to the next step, realizing there is much more to learn.
How can you tell you’ve moved past that point? Simple: you learn to listen to everyone, regardless of age or gender, and you try to gain new insights. You check all the information, reflect on what fits you, and use your experience as a filter. If something can improve your life, apply it. This is the only way to enrich yourself and gain knowledge.
Lessons from Unexpected Sources
For example, have you ever considered what you can learn from a baby? They breathe properly from their abdomen, not their chest. They love unconditionally and cry when necessary but can laugh immediately afterward. It’s important not to get stuck in one emotional state.
If you are only willing to learn from your idols, teachers, or people you consider superior due to wealth or other factors, you have not moved beyond that point.
I may have made mistakes in what I wrote, but I have an excuse: “I’m not young enough anymore to know them all.”